Quotes & Jokes by Gilbert Gottfried / page 2


At the Last Supper how come no one sat on the other side of the table? See, I think originally there were people sitting on the other side but those were the people going, "You know, the air conditioning hits me right on the back on the neck."

With Katrina, it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original. It's certainly a shocking event and a tragedy, but somehow as a big event it doesn't seem to carry as much weight with the public as 9/11 did.

Well, I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.

I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.

If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

Unfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.

How exactly do they prove that you've been masturbating? Do they dust for prints?

I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will find a very old picture of two masks. One mask is tragedy. It looks like it's crying. The other mask is comedy. It looks like it's laughing. Nowadays, we would say, "How tasteless and insensitive. A comedy mask is laughing at a tragedy mask."

I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things.

I host these bad movies late at night.

Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them.