Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1082
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
A blonde, German woman with spiky hair...walked up to the plane and said 'There are busses outside that you will be loaded on to. You will be told what will happen to you when you reach your destination.' And all I could think in my head, was, 'I am not getting on those fucking buses. No, no, I have seen too many Oscar-winning movies. I know how this story ends. I know what you do to people who look like me. If I'm getting on any bus, it's with the blond family over there.'
Democracy is like a tambourine: not everyone can be trusted with it.
Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have over the weekend. See, President Bush may be the smartest military president in history. First, he gets Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons. Then he declares war.
President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.
MTV needs to go back to showing hot teens... before they were pregnant.
She was so fat that when guys have sex with her they ask for directions.
Anyone who is elected mayor of a place called "Sin City" is allowed to be a drunk.
And then earlier than that there were the crusades. The crusades were totally fucked. Richard the Lionheart, who had the heart of a lion as well as his own. He ripped it out of the lion, and the lion was left with a bicycle pump and not much to do.