Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1082
Passover is a ritual dinner where we talk about the story of the exodus of the Jews out of Egypt. And we have a service and a meal. Then there’s the sacrifice of a live Christian baby and dessert. My family doesn’t do that, but orthodox…
You get all excited to give her the ring, and it's real emotional, and you give it to her, and she cries. And a second later, you're like, 'Damn, I could have had a car.'
I thought the purpose of education was to learn to think for yourself.
Why do I even dare to think I could dream I could imagine I could hope?
They say life begins at 50. Yeah, if you're the fuckin' Highlander.
The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight, because for the longest time, I have said that president Bush must set a timetable for removing his head from his ass... and, by god, last week they went in and looked for it. They didn't find it, so now we don't know where it is, but at least for once in my life, I get to see the words "Bush", "operation", and "successful" in the same sentence.
A blonde, German woman with spiky hair...walked up to the plane and said 'There are busses outside that you will be loaded on to. You will be told what will happen to you when you reach your destination.' And all I could think in my head, was, 'I am not getting on those fucking buses. No, no, I have seen too many Oscar-winning movies. I know how this story ends. I know what you do to people who look like me. If I'm getting on any bus, it's with the blond family over there.'
I'll speak for me, though it's hard for me to speak for myself because I don't know who I am.
From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 – stop humping the toaster!
Sometimes girls act all TNT Network because they know drama. That's when guys get all TBS around you because we think it's very funny.