Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1081
To have the enthusiasm of a game show contestant and the dignity to never be one.
Light travels faster than sound. Isn't that why people appear bright before you hear them speak?
I heard this guy say "Man, I need to get some R&R" I was like "wow, this guy's tired, he doesn't even have the energy to say... Est and Elaxation" "Dude i gotta get two R's, I'll explain later." "Rabbits and retards? What does this guy want?" "Nah, he's sleeping, we'll find out later" "Okay"
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
People who call themselves divas...you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a cunt.
He released Annie's Boobs. Annie's Boobs could be anywhere. Annie's Boobs could be on the streets
I stayed back late at work one afternoon last week and I had a co-worker looked at me and said "are you still here?" I said no, I left 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign !!
From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?
I think that after you get married a third time you have to give up a body part. Larry King would just be a head on a fucking stick.
When I first came out, I thought, I want to walk like a real woman, I don't want to do mincing steps. And there was some girl I saw walking up Holloway Road in Islington who had this long languid walk and I thought, that's what I like, so I incorporated her walk into mine.