Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1083
Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that’s stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
True love is when you’re cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile!
On sex later on in a relationship: "I have this! Are you interested?"
I before e except after c and sounding like a in a neighboring way and on weekends and holidays and all throughout May YOU'LL ALWAYS BE WRONG NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!!!!
Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?
I've lived in LA for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't any more.
The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.
I shouldn't say bad things about the illiterate, though..I should write it. That way they won't find out.
If your body is 90% water what have you got to drink water all the time for? Why can't you just have some crisps?
Also, as I've gotten older and more mature, I've become much more comfortable in my own skin. After 25 years of doing stand-up, that's reflected onstage.
We need a return to the basics in this country when you stop to think that only one of the three “R’s” actually starts with the letter “r.”