Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 202
I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies.
It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I've done so much morning radio that I won't be overwhelmed by it, but it's still going to be a challenge.
I never played music, but it's an important thing... the studying, the inspiration.
I hated the summer jobs I had when I was a teenager. They were so mundane and repetitious, they deadened my soul. On the bright side, it was good training for this job.
"If you got it, flaunt it" may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
Amelia Earhart, who said, "Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage!" Never got a dinner!
Most drag impersonations are a drag. But everyone can like Geraldine. The secret of my success with Geraldine is that she's not a put-down of women. She's smart, she's trustful, she's loyal, she's sassy. Most drag impersonations are a drag. But women can like Geraldine, men can like Geraldine, everyone can like Geraldine.
You are an alchemist who can turn six beers into an awkward three week relationship.
Allow me to expose my colon once again. The ramification inflicted on the incision placed within the Fallopian cavities serves to be holistic taken from the Latin word "jalapeno".
They celebrate Thanksgiving in England, by the way. It’s called “Fuck off puritan!”
If you're not happy before you're successful, you're going to be miserable when you do become successful because all your problems just get magnified.
Abortion is an atrocity. Those who practice or praise it are either damn idiots, misguided fools, or treacherous devils.