Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 201
If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, "I don't think he knows where he's going."
Continuing to do stand-up is always a challenge because the audiences and the environments in which you work very often differ.
I think Twitter is really great for those comics that are good with the one-liners. The thing about the Internet is that there are so many different things you can do, as a comic, to get yourself out there. It could be YouTube, it could be Twitter, it could be blogging. On the Internet, it's like I have my own little store. I have a bunch of YouTube videos up, and it's like, 'Check out these videos and if you like what I do, come check me out and if not... no harm, no foul.'
In the original script, my character was a basketball player rather than a boxer. I didn’t think I could pull that off. I’m a little short to be a basketball player!
I got a wedgie coming down from the ceiling in the swing and my leg fell asleep!
It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.
That definitely went through my mind, ... The situation in Houston, I felt teams were going to shy away from me because of the stuff with me.
Because when the Creator of matter, tell you you matter, then you have a purpose and then you have self-esteem.
It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I've done so much morning radio that I won't be overwhelmed by it, but it's still going to be a challenge.
I hated the summer jobs I had when I was a teenager. They were so mundane and repetitious, they deadened my soul. On the bright side, it was good training for this job.
I've seen worse... It just so happens that your friend here is mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.
Amelia Earhart, who said, "Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage!" Never got a dinner!