Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 738
If your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade, you might be a redneck.
I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?
If you take the time to smell the roses, sooner or later, you’ll inhale a bee and die.
Japan is the perfect example of make plans, and watch God laugh.
I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"
I absolutely want to have a career where you make'em laugh and make'em cry. It's all theater.
How do people shit on themselves when they are sleeping? That's some nasty shit....like what kinda sick dream were you having that caused that.
Race is still somewhat of a taboo in comedy. But if you’re a minority, then you can make fun of your own minority. And that’s a nice service that many of them provide.
Without the reality, it's just slamming into things. If you start with that physical comedy, then things surely but slowly fall apart. But you build on that reality and then you can go pretty outrageous - up to the Keaton-like gags.
When you have a great audience, you can just keep going and finding new things.
Everyone around me says, You're a genius! You're great! That's your voice! But I'm not sure if they're right.
President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?