Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 737
Being a big star and being known, making movies and a lot of money - that really doesn't interest me.
They don't see that whole pattern. Worm/death. Worm/death. I would catch on.
When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele.
White boys always get the Oscar. It's a known fact. Did I ever get a nomination? No! You know why? Cause I hadn't played any of them slave roles, and get my ass whipped. That's how you get the nomination. A black dude who plays a slave that gets his ass whipped gets the nomination, a white guy who plays an idiot gets the Oscar. That's what I need, I need to play a retarded slave, then I'll get the Oscar.
If you’re “willing to die” for a cause you should really find some other less potential death related interests.
You are what you are. You don’t choose to be gay or straight. I don’t choose to be attracted to women, it sucks. I lose half my shit every ten years and have to start fresh.
Spirituality: the last refuge of a failed human. Just another way of distracting you from who you really are.
Why keep trotting out this Billy Graham character? He has nothing to say and basically no one gives a fuck.
Jimmy - How olds your boyfriend? <br /> Guy in Audence - He's my brother. <br /> Jimmy - Well stop fucking him!
My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.