Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 913
You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
Don't you think that being a person of faith has become a third rail in American politics? If you want to run for president nowadays, you'd better get out there and say you're a very faith-based person.
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.
Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!
If you see a black woman with an overweight white man, you know she got effed up credit!
Hey baby, are you being followed?.. Because I’ve been seeing people behind your back.
You gotta live life before you can talk about it. Sometimes when things don't work out in life, they work out on stage.
"What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.'"
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a part of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
Many stroke survivors look back on their attack as "a stroke of luck". Of course, by "luck" they mean "horrible paralysis."
Anybody who French bashes just might as well wear a badge that says 'I am a follower! I don't think for myself and I have no idea what I'm talking about.' That would be a French basher.
Oscar is 80 this year, which makes him now automatically the frontrunner for the Republican nomination.