Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 912
It is our swan song, and winning kind of symbolizes the closure at the end, and I miss it already. I'm gonna go bawl now.
Some people take the spelling bee very seriously. These people are called "parents of children in the spelling bee." They're trying to make up for their own childhood of crushed dreams and misspelled words.
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
You can’t make something beautiful by trying to make something beautiful. Something becomes beautiful in the process of trying to be something else.
So if there are any ladies out there who fancy a little Emo action... well... I don't want to blow my own horn... Which is why I'm making this offer tonight.
The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
When you go to cable, there are no stations and no affiliates and they allow you to do your show.
All we really require is 1 drawer, that is all men want, 1 drawer, this is not a drawer we will pick out early. A drawer will become available, we will tentatively enquire as to it’s usage, “darling this drawer here, can I have this drawer for me?”..Yes I think you can…good this will be my man drawer!!
For some reason I did something where I realized I could get a reaction. That was when I broke out of my shell at school, because I really didn't have any friends or anything like that and I just kind of was going along, and then finally I did this zany thing, and all of a sudden I had tons of friends.
They say rather than cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. They don't mention anything about cursing a lack of candles.
Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string.
People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?