Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 978
But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.
I'm so weird with women. I couldn't go up to a gorgeous woman and tell her the building's on fire. 'Don't take this the wrong way, uh. I don't mean to be weird and I'm not trying to be creepy, but the building's on fire...'
You might be a redneck if the neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
If you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it -- build a house! Well, I was lost but now I live here. I have severely improved my predicament.
Oh, last week was a rough week. I noticed my gums were shrinking. I was brushing my teeth with Preparation H.
The NFL draft is going to be this Thursday. That's a huge night for college players. That's the night they start being paid over the table.
I don't have a type, really. But I've always been more attracted to girls who yell "fire."
As a school board we felt it's an unfair expense to families. The lawsuit has a certain logic to it - if you have free public education, you can't put these things on top of it. It defeats the purpose.
This friend of mine had a terrible upbringing. When his mother lifted him up to feed him, his father rented the pram out. Then, when they came into money later, his mother hired a woman to push the pram - and he’s been pushed for money ever since.