Quotes & Jokes by Craig Ferguson / page 12
Ros was dead. He had loved heroin more than it loved him. I was shocked beyond imagining; he was the first of my friends to fall.
What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the "Shawshank Redemption" of late night!
You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why, 'cause Santa Clause might put a cap in your ass.
Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012.
Oh, this isn't a talk show; it's more just filling time, really, 'til the infomercials start.
I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer - I'm a dragon irritater.
I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it.
It's easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.
This job has explained to me who I am - I'm not kidding. I always knew I was an actor, but kind of not. I always knew I was a writer, but kind of not. I knew was a producer, but kind of not. It's really a peculiar confluence of skills and experiences that put you in the right position to do this job. But I know now what I am. I'm this. Whatever this is. Now that I know this it's really helped me in my life.
I know what you're thinking: yet another late night talk show host accusing Neil Sedaka of being a war criminal.
The whole idea of re-releasing old movies does bother me a little bit. If they're going to re-release an old movie, I should be able to get in with my old ticket.