Quotes & Jokes by Craig Ferguson / page 14
I have that hypocrisy of a parent in that I'm like, 'Come on, you've got to toughen up at the same time let me take care of that for you.'
There are plans for a new high-speed train between Los Angeles and San Francisco. It will make the trip time 30 minutes. People in L.A. are like, "Yes!" And people in San Francisco are like, "Yeah, sure, great. We look forward to seeing you."
If it doesn't work, at least it will be an interesting train wreck.
We wanted something different this year. We're still keeping the musicianship, as opposed to it being a jam band fest. There's also a lot more standard bluegrass acts and we've never had an act like Bobby McFerrin before. You don't have to be a bluegrass artist - you just have to be a great artist to fit in at Telluride.
Sometimes my pathology just spills out into the camera, doesn't it?
Pseudoscience describes theories that sound like science but are actually just made up, like aromatherapy or biorhythms or love.
I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they'd have to really suck.
I became a terrible drunk or alcoholic - or a good one depending on your point of view.
That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? They are Evil.
I think we look back at times past with fondness because we were younger. Life had not yet begun pecking away at our innocence like buzzards on fresh road kill.
A lot of people in their 30's get nostalgic for their teen years. Then they get jobs in TV, become bitter and jaded and prematurely old. Then they turn their nostalgia into great television.
Maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun".