Quotes & Jokes by Craig Ferguson / page 17
Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.
I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.
The views expressed by me are in no way endorsed by CBS any of its allied companies or in fact me.
It's totally free. It is the complete freedom of performance. The first time the monologue is performed is when you see it on TV, and it'll never be seen again. It's pure TV. Bam! It's there, and then it's gone.
I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living.
Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
Appear tougher or cooler or funnier than you feel and there is a chance you’ll make it.
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning.
Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up - that stuff is very similar.
This story is true. Of course, there are many lies therein and most of it did not happen, but it's all true. In that sense it is deeply religious, perhaps even biblical.
I am the Saudi Arabia of unhappiness. I have so many reserves of misery that you wouldn't understand. I actually think that's part of why I connect with Canadians. I think they understand grinding misery underneath.
Dell Computers announced they're releasing a competitor for the iPad. Now it is, in fact, a great alternative for people who already have an iPad, but are fed up with it working all the time.
I think we look back at times past with fondness because we were younger. Life had not yet begun pecking away at our innocence like buzzards on fresh road kill.