Quotes & Jokes by Craig Ferguson / page 18
Sometimes, in order to follow one’s heart, one must do the wrong thing. Now, I’m not absolving anyone of their actions; you have to be responsible for your actions, sick or well, you have to be, you just have to be. All of us are accountable.
I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living.
Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up - that stuff is very similar.
I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger.
I had lived in fear of the fabled terrifying visions that assail chronic drinkers, but which had not yet attacked me.
It's not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We're not afraid of failure.
I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation.
Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.
Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck.
It turns out that speeding irresponsibly in a large truck, placing personal wealth ahead of the welfare of others, is one of the greatest sins in the Universe...
I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you.
From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?
I don’t know much about the Supreme Court. If it’s anything like the Supreme Taco, it’s like a regular court, but with extra sour cream.