Quotes & Jokes by Craig Ferguson / page 19
I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you.
Lance Armstrong admitted he used performance-enhancing drugs throughout his career. He confessed in front of the most respected judge in the land, Oprah Winfrey.
I don’t know much about the Supreme Court. If it’s anything like the Supreme Taco, it’s like a regular court, but with extra sour cream.
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, "They still have a van?"
Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.
From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?
The 3-D effects in "Star Wars" are so realistic, you can actually see George Lucas reaching from the screen and taking the money from your wallet.
The truth is, you win the Lotto. That's really how you have to approach it. You're a lottery winner when you get a sitcom and it goes.
That's why I believe in a Constitution which separates church from state. I've seen what happens when they get in cahoots.
When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.
I've got mixed feelings about poetry cause done well poetry is fantastic. But not many people are capable of doing it well. I think you should have some kind of license to perform poetry. A poetic license perhaps.
If you absolutely believe that what you do is right, you're bullet-proof.