Quotes & Jokes by Craig Ferguson / page 20

I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you.

This is a great day for people who do what I do, this is a great day for talk-show hosts. Remember when Dick Cheney shot his lawyer in the face? It's like one of those days. It's like when Mel Gibson went crazy and blamed the Jewish people for everything, it's one of those days, it's fantastic.

It's tricky turning a book into a movie. Sometimes people love the book so much that no adaptation lives up to what they imagined. You can avoid that disappointment by never, ever reading books.

People sometimes say to me: "Craig, get out of my garden."

From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?

School did give me one of the greatest gifts of my life, though. I learned how to read, and for that I remain thankful. I would have died otherwise. As soon as I was able, I read, alone. Under the covers with a flashlight or in my corner of the attic - I sought solace in books. It was from books that I started to get an inkling of the kinds of assholes I was dealing with. I found allies too, in books, characters my age who were going through or had triumphed against the same bullshit.

It's clearly yen positive, especially when China is gradually allowing the yuan to appreciate day by day.

It's a book. It's mine. And it's done.

I found out it is just as hard to make a movie that you are not proud of as it is to make one you love.

I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.

I try and live my life in bite-size chunks.

I enjoy bathing, as many Europeans don't.

They could have gotten help for this infertility but they believed that interfering with the reproductive process, even if it was faulty, was anti-God. It was against His plan. It never occurred to them that God may have provided the world with a vast array of very brainy medical types for the very reason of solving problems such as theirs. However, there is one thing that the medical profession cannot do and that is save people from being idiots.

I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost.

The prospect of an interest-rate-hike lifeline for the currency has become even more remote. The coming week will be the most important for the currency of any in the next three months.