Quotes & Jokes by Craig Ferguson / page 21

There's just a feeling you get from certain things you do in life that just kind of feel pure and independent of what's actually, physically, going on.

I only like sports that Bond villains played.

Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck.

It's not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We're not afraid of failure.

I found out it is just as hard to make a movie that you are not proud of as it is to make one you love.

Being the executive producer of a film is not that difficult. It just means that you have some power. There's not a huge amount of skill involved, I don't know how much I'm giving away here. I feel like that guy on Fox, giving away the magicians' tricks. It's not rocket science, being an executive producer of a film.

It never occurred to them that God may have provided the world with a vast array of very brainy medical types for the very reason of solving problems such as theirs. However, there is one thing that the medical profession cannot do and that is save people from being idiots.

You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.

Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.

Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don't already know.

It's a book. It's mine. And it's done.

I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.

I don’t know much about the Supreme Court. If it’s anything like the Supreme Taco, it’s like a regular court, but with extra sour cream.

Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.

It's a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which means she'll probably quit after a year.