Quotes & Jokes by Craig Ferguson / page 22
I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.
I found out it is just as hard to make a movie that you are not proud of as it is to make one you love.
Did you hear about Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina? He mysteriously disappeared last week and nobody knew where he was. Today, Sanford admitted to having an affair in Argentina. I'm like, great, now we're outsourcing mistresses.
They say give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he’ll get his own show on the Discovery Channel.
You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.
In the 1970s vampires were pretty boring. The scariest vampire was Count Chocula. One bite of Count Chocula and you were cursed with Type 2 diabetes.
They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best.
HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a technical thing. It's like demographics. A lot of people know about it.
Being the executive producer of a film is not that difficult. It just means that you have some power. There's not a huge amount of skill involved, I don't know how much I'm giving away here. I feel like that guy on Fox, giving away the magicians' tricks. It's not rocket science, being an executive producer of a film.
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.
I think sometimes that people think brave means not being afraid, which of course it doesn't mean that at all. It means that you're afraid, but you move past that and do it anyway, do what you think is right.
Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don't already know.