Quotes & Jokes by Craig Ferguson / page 24
It's all about the triumph of intellect and romance over brute force and cynicism.
Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.
The first day of spring is known as the "vernal equinox." The equinox is special. It only happens twice a year, like a good night in ratings for NBC.
A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself.
I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.
All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals.
According to a new study, our email is not as safe as we thought. How do they know this? They’ve been reading my email.
Pies were invented 12,000 years ago by the Egyptians. It was an easy way to preserve food that would be carried over long distances. They were like ancient Slim Jims.
We are $14.3 trillion in debt, but the good news is we’ve got 14.3 trillion airline miles.
He was in awe of the thirst that people had for someone to tell them that everything was going to be all right. He marveled at the gullibility and vulnerability of his fellow humans. No wonder the churches called them sheep. They were woolly-headed pack animals being herded around for the benefit of whoever knew how to control the dogs.
Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.