Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 231

Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are.

When I talk to Steve Martin, he's joyful when he talks about comedy.

It is my belief that Latinos in show business have to be self sufficient and creative while aggressively attempting to penetrate post-mogul Hollywood. Self- starting is becoming the path to serious studio support.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

Babies awaken slightly disoriented, with a look that's half Angel and half Lost Tourist.

I, myself, identify myself as a heathen.

I offend everybody.

I don't know that I can define fear. But one of the sources of fear is holding up some sort of model life that doesn't exist and feeling like you're far away from it.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

The two biggest myths about me are that I’m an intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I’m an artist because my films lose money. Those two myths have been prevalent for many years.

College is great. It’s the only time in life where you can write a check for 39 cents... and bounce it.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.

People are basically good. We all fall. I have so much faith in humanity. That's why God created forgiveness. For those that don't deserve it. You can't spell beautiful without you.