Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 231
Water parks provide a wonderful opportunity to meet new people and then soak in their pee.
As the fly said while landing on the mirrored coffee table. Well... That's another way of looking at it.
Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.
I am completely and utterly hooked to all the great shows on A&E and Court TV that are about small town murder. These shows like "Forensic Files", "City Confidential", I just can't get enough of them. It's always the same sort of deal. You know that they interview the actual people that lived through the experience. I miss Paul Winfield as the host of "City Confidential", may he rest in peace.
My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She’ll be in front of everyone with her um… breast… out feeding it. You know… cereal or whatever.
What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say that grandparents are God's gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate.
Well I have a microphone and you don't so you will listen to every damn word I have to say!
After 34 years, I feel like I did when I was starting out. I feel excited and feel I've never been better doing what I do.
I don't know that I can define fear. But one of the sources of fear is holding up some sort of model life that doesn't exist and feeling like you're far away from it.
I think politics in general are just like a popularity contest but McCain is just… old.
My Obama is getting pretty good ... I think I'll vote for whoever makes my portrayal easier. It takes time to put together a comic impression. It takes time to recognize the tics. Right now, for instance, I could do a dead- on Paul Ryan and people wouldn't recognize it. Personalities take a while to sin...