Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 236
I said, 'How would you like to be in one place?' He said, 'What place?' I could have said, 'Des Moines.'
I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
People don't let politicians kiss your babies. Those lips have been on lobbyist asses for years now.
Those are adult magazines. Anybody can own them. It doesn't prove the charge.
America is grappling with cultural diversity, and I just want to put a show on that represents the world in which I live.
I learned that money's not happiness. The more famous I am and the more money I make, the closer I stay to my family and friends that I've known since junior high school. True happiness to me is the connection with fellow human beings I've known for a long time.
What we want to do is raise the bare minimum amount that will give us a large enough microphone to effectively convey our message. Unfortunately, $20 million is critical mass in terms of running an effective campaign in New York.
To make boxing training more exciting my trainer dresses as a ninja and yells, 'Ive never felt pain like this!! Who is this human!?'
A black President? Now come on y'all, we got Clinton, that's close. He got negro tendencies.
Comedy can be, especially in a writer's room, really aggressive, kind of a very male-dominated room, and it would be hard for women. It's not a nurturing place. It's not like a lot of women are going to say, I can't wait to live that lifestyle and be in a writer's room until 2 or 3 a.m.
The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.