Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 860
Sarah Palin is speaking out about the oil spill. She said, I'm not kidding, we should ask the Dutch for help with the spill because the Dutch have the world's best dikes. So let me get this straight. It is OK to cover lesbians in oil but you just can't let them get married.
I always wanted to make strangers and friends and family laugh. I was over ten years younger than my brothers. It was hard to get attention without some kind of gimmick, like athletic stardom or being funny.
People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink.
On Seth Macfarlane, creator of Family Guy: ”You made all your money because you created a fucked up, criminal baby. You’re like Michael Lohan.”
It's not about trying to be funny all the time. It's more of a document that hopefully is funny.
Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.
I don’t care if you think I’m racist as long as you think I’m a thin racist.
I could see myself adopting a kid someday. But, obviously, I'd prefer it to be aborted.
The material comes from whenever you realize that you and someone else have something in common. So any conversation you've had more than once, anything you see happening to you that you see happening to a friend, you go, "Hmmm, that's a situation I can make funny."