Quotes & Jokes by Adam Sandler / page 2

74 quotes

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

I don't like being out in public too much. I don't like going to bars. I don't like doing celebrity stuff.

I bought my parents some stuff. That feels kind of good to be able to do that. I got them a place in Florida. I think I'm allowed to say that - I hope my dad doesn't get mad at me. But I don't spend money on myself. I don't like myself enough yet. But the people I love, I like spending the cash on them.

Sorry I’m not better looking.

Well I have a microphone and you don't so you will listen to every damn word I have to say!

I think the reason I don't read is because, when I'm reading, I feel like I'm missing out on something else. You know, What are my friends doing? Where's my girlfriend?

Well, we're living in a material world, and I'm a material girl... or boy.

When I was younger and did a stand-up gig, it would take me two weeks to recover. Sometimes I'd get so panicked that I would stutter.

They should name a gender after you. Looking at you doesn't do it, staring is the only way that makes sense. And trying not to blink so you don't miss anything. And all of that and you're you.

I still like doing stand-up now, but it's not the same. It used to be that I was out there with five other comedians. Now I usually just do it alone.

And she showed me her boobies and I like them too!

If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.

Some of us will never ever find true love. Take, for instance me. And I'm pretty sure that guy right there. And that lady with the sideburns. And basically everybody at table nine.

Doing Saturday Night Live definitely affects my relationship with my girlfriend and with my family, because you feel so much pressure to do well that night. But I think everyone's grown to accept that and so they give me my space at the show.

My comedy is different every time I do it. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.