Quotes & Jokes by Adam Sandler

74 quotes

Mama says that, happiness is from magic rays of sunshine that come down when you're feeling blue...

Its too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around here.

I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before and, to be honest with you I wanted to see a blue duck.

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.

I don't like being out in public too much. I don't like going to bars. I don't like doing celebrity stuff.

I never had a speech from my father "this is what you must do or shouldn't do" but I just learned to be led by example. My father wasn't perfect.

We just bought this house. It's too big. It's like 400,000 square feet, or something. We got an indoor lake and ski slope in the house! It's just too big.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.<br /> Oh, it could be so nice to grow old with you, I wanna grow old with you.

He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?

I’ve got a hockey record, I took off my skate and tried to stab a guy, I’m the only person who ever tried that.

Wasted is when you have a hankering for ice cream.

Some of us will never ever find true love. Take, for instance me. And I'm pretty sure that guy right there. And that lady with the sideburns. And basically everybody at table nine.

Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.

When I was younger and did a stand-up gig, it would take me two weeks to recover. Sometimes I'd get so panicked that I would stutter.

Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass.