Quotes & Jokes by Adam Sandler

Mama says that, happiness is from magic rays of sunshine that come down when you're feeling blue...

He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?

I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before and, to be honest with you I wanted to see a blue duck.

Its too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around here.

I’ve got a hockey record, I took off my skate and tried to stab a guy, I’m the only person who ever tried that.

It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

We just bought this house. It's too big. It's like 400,000 square feet, or something. We got an indoor lake and ski slope in the house! It's just too big.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.<br /> Oh, it could be so nice to grow old with you, I wanna grow old with you.

Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass.

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.

Wasted is when you have a hankering for ice cream.

Now let's cut the stupid cake because I know the fat guy's gonna have a heart attack if we don't eat again soon. And while we do that here's a little mood music for you.

I never had a speech from my father "this is what you must do or shouldn't do" but I just learned to be led by example. My father wasn't perfect.

Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.

Now that's what I call high quality H2O.