Quotes and Jokes by Carrot Top

Some people even think I wear a wig. Do they think I went into a salon one day and said, "Can you please screw this up really bad?"

I never looked at Gallagher like he was a threat to me.

Carrot Top is a nickname that people call me and I thought that it was more marketable.

My real name is Scott Thompson. I could have gone by that name, but when I started doing comedy I thought I needed to go by something that has a little more of a hook.

So I try not to look too far into the future because I think that everything happens and will happen for a reason.

I didn't really have a plan of attack when I got in college.

The street in the center of town was Butts road. I stole the sign and told the audience, this must be where the assholes live. I also had a Neighborhood Crime Watch - it takes about 20 seconds to break into a house but it took me an hour to unbolt this sign.

On the weekends, I would go down and play these clubs in Key West or West Palm Beach or surrounding areas of Florida and then I'd go back to school for the week.

The blessing is that everyone knows who I am because of the commercials.

People do give me a hard time about my hair because it's orange and it's big.

I think, over the years, I've kind of evolved.

It's our nature: Human beings like success but they hate successful people.

When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.

My way of making people like me was to make 'em laugh.

Like I told Howard, I can't help it that I'm beautiful.