Quotes and Jokes by Dave Chappelle

David Khari Webber Chappelle is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer. Chappelle is the recipient of numerous accolades, including two Emmy Awards and two Grammy Awards. He is most known for his iconic and acclaimed satirical comedy sketch series Chappelle's Show.

Top 15 Most Popular Quotes (out of 107)

#1

Then Jasper said "Look here, nigger, if anyone's gonna have sex with my sister, it's gonna be me."

3,462
#2

I hate you. I hate you. I don’t even know you, and I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and nobody else but you.

1,964
#3

Oh my god. Open and shut case, Johnson. I saw this once when I was a rookie. Apparently this nigger broke in and put up pictures of his family everywhere.

1,284
#4

All these years, I thought I liked chicken cause it was delicious; but turns out, I'm genetically predisposed to liking chicken!

639
#5

Lady, I'm just a nigga that loves titties.

403
#6

Hey, niggers! Turn that jungle music down! Woogie boogie, nigger! Woogie boogie!

392
#7

Terrorists don't take black hostages. That's the truth. I have yet to see one of us on the news reading a hostage letter. Like, 'Uh... they is treating us good. Uh we are chilling and shit. I'd like to give a shout out to Ray-Ray an Big Steve and uh, send some Newports!'

388
#8

"Hey, baby! Stop selling weed, all right, you've got your whole life ahead of you." He goes, "Fuck you, nigga. I got kids to feed!"

343
#9

They got a character on there named Oscar, they treat this guy like shit the entire show. They judge him right in his face, "Oscar you are so mean! Isn't he kids?", "Yeah Oscar! Your a grouch!", its like "Bitch! I live in a fucking trashcan!"

253
#10

The old baby on the corner trick a, not gonna fall for that shit.

188
#11

No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack.

160
#12

The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.

151
#13

I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.

149
#14

My father told me 'Name your price in the beginning. If it ever gets more expensive than the price you name, get out of there.'

141
#15

Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!

131