Quotes & Jokes about Family

39 quotes

Oh my god. Open and shut case, Johnson. I saw this once when I was a rookie. Apparently this nigger broke in and put up pictures of his family everywhere.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Whoever you hate will end up in your family. You don't like gays? You're gonna have a gay son. You don't like Puerto Ricans? Your daughter's gonna come home with Livin' La Vida Loca!

Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.

I’ve got a long history of suicide in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I’m lucky, my kids will kill themselves.

You might be a redneck if... your family tree doesn't fork.

My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.

A lie is a lie... unless your friends and family are in on it. Then it's a "commonly held belief."

And I come from a small Vietnamese family. We’re really close too, all ten of us.

Of course, everybody's family is dysfunctional - we've accepted that. What are we supposed to do? Hate our parents for the rest of our lives?

He was really into family... He'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife.

The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.

At family gatherings in the holidays, there was always some aunt, you know, with a moustache and a wart on her head, and she gives you a big sloppy kiss, ssssshhhhhkkkkk, you know, but when you try to go further with her... Oh boy. You know!

My family kinda hit the skids. We were experiencing poverty at that point. We all got a job, where the whole family had to work as security guards and janitors. And I just got angry.

I think there are still words you can't use in family entertainment that you can use in a sitcom today.