Quotes & Jokes by Henry Cho

23 quotes

Guys take care of your wife when she’s pregnant. Don’t say stupid stuff either, like me. I came home one time. My wife’s six months pregnant. She’s lying on the couch. There’s food and clothes everywhere. And I walked in and went, “What’d you do today?” Don’t do that. My wife looked up and said, “Today? I don’t know, Henry. Let’s see… what did I do today? Today I made a lung.”

I’m an Asian with a Southern accent. To a lot of people, that right there is funny.

Sharks attack surfers because they look like a seal. Apparently, when you’re layng on your board and you have your arms and legs hanging off, from underneath you look like a seal. So I just got a picture of a seal and put a red line through it and put it underneath my board.

Comedy today is definitely skewed to the filthy side, but it’s not as hard today as I am more mature as a comedian and a person. I’m a grown up now doing a kid’s job. Being a more mature Christian these days makes it easier than when I first started. Now I get to do shows of my choosing and a lot of folks attending the shows know my work and expect a clean show.

My wife at times will say I'm stubborn, selfish, insensitive, vague, deaf at times, blah, blah, blah... but she's never said I was boring!

My show is an adult comedy show, but it isn’t offensive. Your kids could listen to it, even though I hope they wouldn’t ‘get’ most of it. But I get a lot of fan mail from soccer moms saying ‘I love having your CD because I can listen to it with my kids in the car.’

My family is number one in my life. I'll blow off writing or just about anything to make sure I take my son to preschool or watch him at his swimming lesson.

Their cousin got in a fight and they put him in jail. I had to go get him out. He came walking out going, 'Hey, man, I tried to call you on the cellphone.' I said, 'You don't have a cellphone.' He goes, 'I mean, the phone by the cell.'

I’m smart cause I’m Korean, I’m not so smart cause I’m from the south. They cancel each other out, so I’m even.

College is great. It’s the only time in life where you can write a check for 39 cents... and bounce it.

My way of telling stories is kind of what I do naturally. It's no different from how I would talk to you if you were in my living room.

My comedy is for adults, but you can have your kids listen to it. They won't get all the jokes because hopefully I'm more cerebral than a 10-year-old... but if you ask my wife, I'm not!

Growing up, I loved Bill Cosby and Bob Newhart. They are a big reason I’m a storyteller because they are two of the best.

In the early days I was on the road 45-50 weeks a year, driving from gig to gig 6-8 weeks in a row. Not everyone can do that. The show becomes the easy part. Tt's the life on the road that is the hardest... and you can't get any good at standup unless you do the road.

So, I’m from the South. So I guess that makes me South Korean.