Quotes & Jokes by Jonathan Winters

If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to meet it.

God is in my head, but the devil is in my pants.

I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it.

Now the freaks are on television, the freaks are in the movies. And it's no longer the sideshow, it's the whole show. The colorful circus and the clowns and the elephants, for all intents and purposes, are gone, and we're dealing only with the freaks.

Throughout my life, I've been gratified that I've been able to keep the child in me alive and inspire others.

If God had really intended man to fly, He’d make it easier to get to the airport.

Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others.

When you wear so many hats in society, you never know who you are. That's the beauty of it. Because once you find out who you are, you're screwed.

I was talking to a businessman, and I said, "Don't you think most men are little boys?" And he said, "I'm no little boy! I make seventy-five thousand dollars a year." And I said, "Well, the way I look at it - you just have bigger toys."