Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1018
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.
Some things I think are very conservative, or very liberal. I think when someone falls into one category for everything, I'm very suspicious. It doesn't make sense to me that you'd have the same solution to every issue.
One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
My Gran said to me, “Young men of today just aren’t as polite and charming as they were when I was young”.<br /> I had to explain, “That’s because they aren’t trying to fuck you now.”
GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote, man of the people, and reveal him to be a bit of a fat cat. Unlike the President who as we all know before attending Andover and Yale, was a Cockney matchstick girl dying of tuberculosis.
"Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no (h)arm in it' "
It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life..."
What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.
If the presidency is the head of the American body politic, Congress is its gastrointestinal tract. Its vast and convoluted inner workings may be mysterious and unpleasant, but in the end they excrete a great deal of material whose successful passage is crucial to our nation's survival.
I’m more of a glass empty kinda guy. I look at it as having more room for ice.