Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1019
You know, folks, the French have always been reluctant to surrender to the wishes of their friends, and almost anticipatory in their urge to surrender to the wishes of their enemies.
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.
Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands.
What was the first cat that talked a human into putting a cat door in?
I have pictures of my daughter, in the hospital, at three seconds, six seconds, nine seconds, and then fifteen seconds, 'cause dumbass couldn't get the camera ready fast enough. Yeah, ha ha ha. She wrote that in the photo album.
A new poll shows only 3 percent strongly approve of the job Congress is doing, with a margin of error of 4 percent, so it’s possible that "less than no one" thinks they’re doing a good job.
Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.
I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?