Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1036
Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.
I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.
Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.
The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related.
When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.
I believe everything I say in the show, but I don't walk around in my everyday life like some incensed Rasputin. If I did, do you know how alone I'd be in the world?
It's really the kids that do you in. We have two kids. That's fucking stupid. Don't do that.
Every day, the hummingbird eats its own weight in food. You may wonder how it weighs the food. It doesn't. It just eats another hummingbird.