Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1035
That's a vicious rumour! A rumour started by a few million people.
It's nice to be in Washington, where the buck stops here. Way to go. And then it's handed out to AIG and many other people.
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.
As I stand in line at southwest I feel the urge to moo really loud or scream.
I tried to be rigorously honest with my flaws and it was clear that I couldn't be friends with myself.
The great thing about Los Angeles is that you can get so much money in this town by constantly failing. You can get a lot of television deals that don't go anywhere, but you still get paid.
Lindsay Lohan fell in love while in rehab. Who wouldn’t? You share meals together, gaze into each other’s eyes, talk about your feelings and share one romantic sunset after another - for roughly $50,000 a month. Pretty pricey, considering a month of eHarmony.com is only $21.
I read somewhere that hair grows until you reach 40, then it goes in the opposite direction, into the head, and out the ears, nose and other odd places.
According to geologists, about 100 million years from now, Asia and the Americas will smash together to form one giant supercontinent. The good news: Maybe all those jobs that went over there will finally come back.