Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1035
I would only take a role that I know I'm comfortable in and I can do. I've turned down plenty of things because I'd feel it's not me, and I wouldn't want to come on someone's project and flip that.
Give me back the $800 billion for the Iraq war and children’s television PBS is on the house.
The other night I woke up, she was saying sexy things. She was on the phone.
You wake up and you're still a little drunk and you can't believe that hot girl from last night actually has a beard and a penis.
I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
I want to ride in a cold air balloon. "This isn't going anywhere!"
Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
Remember when you had your face lifted... and the guy brought it back.
The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to.
Everything Reagan does, Gorbachev does him one better. Reagan wears the flag of his country on his lapel. Gorby wears the map of his country on his forehead.
Being a teenager is the worst thirty years of your life. But it all changes after that. You get a great car, a great job. You got a wife, kids, you got your health. But then your company is sold out from under you, your stocks tank, your wife's sleeping with the gardener and your teenage daughter is pregnant. And you notice that you have a prostate so hard, you can actually take a hammer to it. But hey, not one zit.