Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1218
Natural child birth means no drugs will be administered into the female’s body during the delivery. The father can have all he wants.
I graduated from Temple University. Physical education major with a child psychology minor. Which means if you ask me a question about a child’s behavior, I will tell you to tell the child to take a lap.
No matter how much makeup I wore, people just kept saying "Yes, sir! Would you like tea with that, sir?" "Yes, I would like tea. Why don't you put it on my breasts?" "Certainly. Tea for this man's breasts! Anything else, sir?"
It's all about the triumph of intellect and romance over brute force and cynicism.
The problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
You know, at parties, people always ask, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi!
It don’t take no scientist to tell who gonna have fucked up kids. If the kid calls his grandmomma mommy and his momma Pam, he going to jail.
An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women's Affairs. Man, who'd she have to show here ankles to to get that job?
At the upcoming Grammy Awards, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony will perform together as the first time, as man and wife. Hopefully music.
Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
I cannot believe they haven't yet come up with a better screening process than the mammogram. If a man had to put his special parts inside a clamp to test him for anything, I think they would come up with a new plan before the doctor finished saying, "Put that thing there so I can crush it.