Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1218
I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
Life's a beautiful thing. With every passing day I have more to worry about.
Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.
TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.
If we (Lauren and Jim) ever get married, we're just going to put helmets on, run into each other from a hundred yards, and smash together like rams
You can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they're a transvestite.
I watched the Republican debate. At one point, the candidates said there are no classes in America, a point then hotly debated by all six rich white guys that were there.
So far rich people have been very quiet about the possibility of getting taxes raised on them, but that doesn’t mean they won’t get mad about it, it just means they don’t know about it. Because it takes a while for bad news to reach a rich person. First their accountant has to tell the butler, who has to tell the servant, who wouldn’t dare interrupt their game of croquet.
I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.