Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1219
I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.
This relationship is preventing me from becoming everything I can be as a world class masturbator. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
The biggest plus of marriage is finally realizing that we are alone.
"We're in this together" usually means "I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour".
People talk to you and they try to convince you that they like what they do just because it sucks less than what they used to do… which sucked a lot.
It's the cutting edge of politics in a very extraordinarily boring way!
Natural child birth means no drugs will be administered into the female’s body during the delivery. The father can have all he wants.
I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what is playing so I bought the album.
My dog. Last night four times he went on the paper. Three times I was reading it.
Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.
You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.
There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.