Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 169
There's only five real people in Hollywood. Everyone else is Mel Blanc.
Y'all can relax about that Osama bin Laden shit coz I'm a handle the shit myself. Coz I can't understand how they can't find the motherfucker, six foot six with a nappy beard and a towel on his head, while they can find my cousin four foot eleven in Compton. Nigga worth half a billion dollars, just look for the cave with the satellite hook up, if there's a Rolls Royce parked in front of the cave, nigga probably in there. You walk in and there's velvet paintings of Saddam Hussein, I think the nigga in there, I mean who do they got looking for this guy Colon Powell?
There's no 'brothers' when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don't care about each other. He's not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio... I don't know that guy.
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
The best advice I could give someone trying to get into the comedy field is to take advantage of every opportunity you have to work to hone your skills.
A lot of young people make the mistake of going into comedy just because it's a lucrative business, as opposed to earlier, even Steven and I, we were in 'Second City,' we never... thought of going beyond 'Second City' in Chicago.
You know when you say something but you want to change in the middle? Like one time I was a bout to say take care but changed in the middle to good luck so it sounded like take luck... If you have any luck take care of it. Take luck you now. Shut up!
This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.
This country is just that great that the opportunities are there for a Hispanic president, a black president or any other race for a president, yes.
My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birthmark until he was eight years old.
When you consider the overpopulation in this world... homosexuality is completely underrated in this society.