Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 875
The other day my twelve-year-old says to me, "I don't feel like I'm with you right now. You're in the car with me, you're checking your e-mail, you're not listening to me, I don't feel like I'm with you." And I say, "You know what? That was your mother's gripe, too. And she was right. And you're also correct." When you cop to something, you get to the next level. In this case, the next level is: I just learned something from my twelve-year-old.
Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?
Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
There should be some kind of dedication of a portion of the funds to Town Center.
I talked about everything, man. I’ve always written material that everyone can laugh at. I talked about growing up. I did a lot of physical comedy. That was my thing. I was a physical comedian. I did anything and everything from running on a treadmill, I can paint a picture on stage of anything.
Mirabelle is attractive; it's just that she is never the first or second girl chosen.
Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.
A comedy agent asked, “What did you do before comedy?” I was a drug counselor. He said, “How about before that?” I was a drug addict. He said, “And before that?” I was twelve.