Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 965
If I was a freak of nature... Hell yeah I wanna do freak shows! I don't wanna be applying for jobs at the mall.
Driving hasn't been the same since I installed the funhouse rearview mirrors. "What is that?"
I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It's quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It's kind of a happy train wreck.
It turns out dentists don't like it very much when you show up for a cleaning in full vampire gear.
I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate.
"World War Z" is out today. The big zombie movie. The trailer looks scary. You see hordes of bodies climbing and rolling over each other. It’s like Black Friday at the mall.
Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
A new study says by 2030 household robots will dominate every phase of our lives. The study says the No. 1 field for robot growth is medicine. That makes sense. Robots already perform well in surgery. That is, until there is a power outage. Then it’s just a coat rack leaning over you as you bleed to death.
50 years: here's a time when you have to separate yourself from what other people expect of you, and do what you love. Because if you find yourself 50 years old and you aren't doing what you love, then what's the point?
Jacques Cousteau, the last man to see Jimmy Hoffa. Never got a dinner!
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!
Amazon has included me in an opportunity to provide top-shelf television-style programming live on the world's computer screens. To hold forth with the industry's very best actors, directors, musicians, authors - I'm thrilled to be on the cutting edge of this.