Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 973
It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to work out which gunshot is the starting pistol.
I think there's too much mult-tasking going on. I think people need to quiet down and focus and be still more.
In fourteen hundred ninety-two Columbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered America. Now, some have argued Columbus actually discovered the West Indies, or that Norsemen had discovered America centuries earlier, or that you really can't get credit for discovering a land already populated by indigenous people with a developed civilization. Those people are communists. Columbus discovered America.
I gave my father a heart attack. It was a practical joke. Come on, you push a guy's face in a cake he's got to clean it off. You hit a guy with a water balloon, he's got to dry off. Guy's in the hospital, you get his testicles shaved, he scratches and bleeds for a week... it's funny... you're not supposed to have a heart attack, it kills the joke.
I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, "You are here". I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
Has anyone here ever been fully engulfed in fire? It's gotta be so hot!
CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded.
I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
I don't know how long i could be a vet before i got bored and started shagging stuff.
It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said.
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.