Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 973
Lasting harmony with a woman (was) an undertaking in which I twice failed rather disgracefully.
I'm not the voice of reason; I'm more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.
My favorite Dylan song? I think it's 'Just Like a Woman.' It always makes me cry.
I'm fortunate to know a lot of incredibly talented people, and they all want to be a penguin.
Occasionally, when I lived in London, I would have sex with a girl from an aristocratic family. I always enjoyed doing to them what their ancestors did to my country.
Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?
I started out as an impressionist and that`s all about observing - how people move, their voice quality, their attitudes and quirks.
If you laugh at that, you lower the bar, and I will limbo under it because I am a fucked-up guy!
You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
Back then, I was doing more of my impression of what a comic is supposed to do.
I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you.
The first person I learned I could make happy with laughter was my mother, whom I idolize. It was a powerful thing to realize. I knew I had found my life's work.
I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.