Quotes & Jokes about Dating / page 3
When you screw up, you got to pay the price. Shoot up a supermarket, you go to jail. Ride a motorcycle without a helmet, permanent brain damage and in California you're getting a ticket. Too chatty on a date with my dad, well, he'll push you in front of a cross town bus. Of course, you know, I'm speaking metaphorically. My dad will push you in front of any bus.
My neighbor complains every time my girlfriend and I have sex. We're not even that loud. But he used to date my girlfriend.
Horrible date all through high school and college. Here's an impression of me on a date in high school. Come on, chug it!
I'm going to be fifty this year. Soon I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, "Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don’t want to do just for sex." Isn’t that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there’d be condoms all over my PlayStation.
Well, my career choice made a difference because I never would have met my wife, Jenny. I met her through comedian Buddy Hackett. He set us up on a blind date and then we got married.
I let a friend set me up on a blind date. It was a disaster. She ended up being a burn victim. By the end of the night.
You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.
Any guy that refers to dating women as "the hunt" or being "on the prowl" should be evaluated for a number of conditions.
Yes I'm grown and sexy, and I'm worth the wait. Girls act like I'm the only dude on earth to date.
America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.
I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
I didn’t “date” in college, I kind of always had a boyfriend. Just because I make jokes on a dating show doesn’t mean I’m Carrie Bradshaw.