Quotes & Jokes about Driving / page 6

I was driving down the highway and I saw a sign that said: Live Nude Girls. And I was thinking, you probably don't need the 'live.' I wasn't even thinking about the girls' mortality until you brought it up.

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

If you drink, don’t drive. Or if you do, at least try to crash into some asshole in a Corvette or something.

If I drive my SUV I’m supporting terrorism. Okay, I’ll take a taxi, Is that better?

Sometimes when I am driving I get so angry at inconsiderate drivers that I want to scream at them. But then I remember how insignificant that is, and I thank God that I have a car and my health and gas. That was phrased wrong - normally you wouldn't say, thank God I have gas.

My wife was going through my car one night. She said looking for a map. I know it's bogus. 'Cause every time we drive anywhere, she knows exactly where we're going and has no problem telling me how to get there.

I'll drive down the street, and I'll practice improv. I will sit there at a red light and see two guys talking to each other, and I will just start playing both characters. I can't hear them, but I can see their mouths moving, so I'll just put words in their mouths.

It's nights like this that drive men like me to women like you for nights like this.

The girls I grew up with they're living normal, adult lives. So they call me now and they're like, 'Amy, I'm pregnant.' And I still react like, 'What are you going to do? I'll drive you, I guess.'

People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.

I noticed when I was driving around that they changed the name of the Interborough Parkway to the Jackie Robinson Parkway. And the Interborough family is very upset about this...

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you're not supposed to drink and drive?

I actually got pulled over once for driving in the diamond lane. Cop said to me, 'You know you have to have more than one person in the car to drive in the car pool lane.' I said, 'Check the trunk.'

Every weekend, I would get the drunk driving lecture. Of course, Dad drank and drove all the time. I guess it wasn't a lecture; it was helpful tips from the master.