Quotes & Jokes about Driving / page 6
Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant. I said, "I'll be the one driving the Mercedes and wearing a Rolex." Never found her, but when I got home my place was robbed.
Instead of school busing and prayer in schools, which are both controversial, why not a joint solution? Prayer in buses. Just drive these kids around all day and let them pray their fuckng empty little heads off.
I'll drive down the street, and I'll practice improv. I will sit there at a red light and see two guys talking to each other, and I will just start playing both characters. I can't hear them, but I can see their mouths moving, so I'll just put words in their mouths.
People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.
For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.
It's nights like this that drive men like me to women like you for nights like this.
I noticed when I was driving around that they changed the name of the Interborough Parkway to the Jackie Robinson Parkway. And the Interborough family is very upset about this...
My wife was going through my car one night. She said looking for a map. I know it's bogus. 'Cause every time we drive anywhere, she knows exactly where we're going and has no problem telling me how to get there.
If I drive my SUV I’m supporting terrorism. Okay, I’ll take a taxi, Is that better?
The girls I grew up with they're living normal, adult lives. So they call me now and they're like, 'Amy, I'm pregnant.' And I still react like, 'What are you going to do? I'll drive you, I guess.'
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you're not supposed to drink and drive?
I actually got pulled over once for driving in the diamond lane. Cop said to me, 'You know you have to have more than one person in the car to drive in the car pool lane.' I said, 'Check the trunk.'
You just have to keep driving down the road. It's going to bend and curve and you'll speed up and slow down, but the road keeps going.
Of course, in Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. In New York, most people don't have cars, so if you want to kill a person, you have to take the subway to their house. And sometimes on the way, the train is delayed and you get impatient, so you have to kill someone on the subway. That's why there are so many subway murders; no one has a car.