Quotes & Jokes about Restaurants / page 4

Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant. I said, "I'll be the one in the leather jacket." She said, "I'll be the one drinking sake." Turned out it was one of those biker-sushi places. We never met.

We thought O.J. was a fluke. Turns out O.J. was a trend setter! Since then, O.J., Peterson, Robert Blake, who got off on the "I couldn't have shot her, I left my gun the restaurant" defense.

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I'm gonna open up my own place. Open my own restaurant and get away from you people. I'm gonna open up a restaurant with two smoking sections; Ultra and Regular, OK! And we're not gonna have any tables or any chairs or any napkins. None of that pussy shit.

I went to a fancy french restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?"

If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, "Heimlich maneuver," and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say "Heimlich maneuver" when you're choking to death.

Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant. I said, "I'll be the one driving the Mercedes and wearing a Rolex." Never found her, but when I got home my place was robbed.

The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.

Overheard today in restaurant: "Can you stop listening to our conversation?"

I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get it. You sit here - I'll get it, I'll make it.'

I was in a restaurant that had a sign that said 'Restrooms For Customers Only'... I thought, it must suck to work there.

And how does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?

It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.