My girlfriend loves to eat chocolate. She’s always eating chocolate, and she likes to joke she’s got a chocolate addiction. "Get me away from those Hersheys bars. I’m addicted to them." It’s really annoying. So I put her in a car and I drove her downtown. And I pointed out a crack addict. And I said, "Do you see that, honey?... Why can’t you be that skinny?"
Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Addiction
There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.
A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council.
If second hand smoke is killing that many people and nicotine is so addictive then why is no one addicted to second hand smoke?
"One thing leads to another"? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
You buy a new iPhone, a few months later, another new iPhone comes out, and you get online to buy another one. You can't get enough. You are addicted to Apple.
What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, "Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don’t want to do just for sex." Isn’t that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there’d be condoms all over my PlayStation.