Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.

I was an altar boy as a kid. And the answer is no.

I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.

It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.

I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger.

I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.

You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

She was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.

Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...

I want to start saying bad words all the time!

You might be a redneck if there is more oil in your cap than in your car.

I called them and told them we were coming and said I didn't know how many we were bringing. They said bring them all. They said even if they had to get cots and line them all up, they would accommodate us. It's been great.

People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.

We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.