Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080
There's more than one mosque in the world that used to be a church and before that was a temple. Because it's a lot easier to just change the sign on the top and say "under new management" than it is to change the whole building.
I'm going to go to Kennebunkport and see if they respond any quicker!
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.
All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.
My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people.
A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. It doesn't only represent the good things. If you burn the flag, you're burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad things the country has done. It's only a symbol. It's only a piece of cloth.
Conservative talk radio hosts have conned the American people into thinking there is such a thing as a pro-life, pro-war, pro-gun, pro-death penalty Christian.
If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.
You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, "Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out."