Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080
Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.
They say the measure of a man is judged by the company he keeps. I'm fucked.
I may even show up behind the camera. I love to put things together; I love to give direction. I have a great eye for pace.
I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
I don’t think more concentration is required for Robert De Niro to do what he does as for Jim Carrey to do what he does.
Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.
From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?
I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
I thought the purpose of education was to learn to think for yourself.
Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.
My father was on the Alcoholics Anonymous wishlist. My mother was on... parole. And lithium.
When you write from your gut and let the stuff stay flawed and don't let anybody tell you to make it better, it can end up looking like nothing else.