Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080
When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.
The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.
I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They’re like: You look completely appropriate. You don’t look stupid or lonely at all.
If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.
A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either.
You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
Do you think Americans deserve healthcare? Have you looked at this horrible fat fuck country?
I had to use a public restroom today. Isn't that the worst when you have to, god damb it! Why when you walk into a public restroom why is everything fucking wet? There's puddles, waters all over the counter, it's dripping it's like being in a fucking cave. What happen was there like a shaggy dog in there after a bath? And god fabid you have to use the stall you go in there, you sit down, you try to close the door, which apparently Van-Damme kicked in. Why are they all broken? Who's running in the bathroom like "I gotta shit... I can't shit with the door in front of me! Fucking door! I don't like being in a perfect square when I'm trying to shit!"
The real focus at first is to just become a good stand-up comedian, and then when you get to a certain level, then they allow you to do other things. You feel if you're overwhelmed by something or if you're not.
I like the tradition of the Oscars. I like that some of the greatest comedians ever have hosted the show.
President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.