Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080
Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast.
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
Trousers can never be too tight. You have to go through a couple of days of pain, then everything stretches out.
Shouldn't the trophy for the Grammys be a sweet, old lady giving you a pie?
I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.
Friends will write me letters. They run out of room on the front of the letter. They write 'over' on the bottom of the letter. Like I'm that much of a moron. Like I need that there. Because if it wasn't there, I'd get to the bottom of the page: 'And so Kathy and I went shopping and we' That's the craziest thing! I don't know why she would just end it that way.
When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
Friday's turmoil in global markets looks set to continue to exert a dominant force on the foreign exchange markets. The usual trend when U.S. stocks fall is that the U.S. dollar suffers.
I think that after you get married a third time you have to give up a body part. Larry King would just be a head on a fucking stick.
I can't control what people think this was. I can only tell you my intentions. This was not a rally to ridicule people of faith. Or people of activism or to look down our noses at the heartland or passionate argument or to suggest that times are not difficult and that we have nothing to fear. They are and we do. But we live now in hard times, not end times. And we can have animus and not be enemies.