Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080
Because it’s much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.
If you treat your kid like a dick and you're a dick... you're gonna have a family of dicks.
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.
Hey baby, baby go home man its three o'clock in the morning what the fuck are you doing up. The baby said I'm sellin' weed nigger.
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up - that stuff is very similar.
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.
Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast.
It felt wonderful doing it. But that's rather like urinating in brown velvet pants. It can feel wonderful, but no one will watch.