Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080
Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can’t the rest of us make them go away?!
Light travels faster than sound. Isn't that why people appear bright before you hear them speak?
There's nothing wrong with the word conspiracy. It just means 'to breathe together'.
Given human nature, as far as I'm concerned, I think each of us should have a legal option before we are forced to be included in mankind.
Friday's turmoil in global markets looks set to continue to exert a dominant force on the foreign exchange markets. The usual trend when U.S. stocks fall is that the U.S. dollar suffers.
This is my first week as an American citizen. It's amazing. Now I can vote in the general election - and for American Idol.
Sometimes, in order to follow one’s heart, one must do the wrong thing. Now, I’m not absolving anyone of their actions; you have to be responsible for your actions, sick or well, you have to be, you just have to be. All of us are accountable.
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it’s not even going to be consistent with the same person. People can hold liberal and conservative dogma points at the same time. They’re not living their lives via platforms. They’re living their lives. The whole thing is an awfully tired construct.
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.