Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080

There's nothing wrong with the word conspiracy. It just means 'to breathe together'.

If you try to hit a grand slam, you’re going to strike out.

I am two lesbians in a man's body.

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

How can there not already be a rapper named 'O'pinion'?

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, everybody loves them. But I thought this was interesting on the box, 'Konsult Kardiologist.'

I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'

There is no "I" in "Team", unless you count the vertical part of the "T".

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.

We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.

I before e except after c and sounding like a in a neighboring way and on weekends and holidays and all throughout May YOU'LL ALWAYS BE WRONG NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!!!!

I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.