Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080
I shouldn't say bad things about the illiterate, though..I should write it. That way they won't find out.
He’s got a Jewish head which means he’s got a Jewish penis... that’s not great
Isn't this amazing? Clinton is getting $8M for his memoir, Hillary got $8M for her memoir. That is $16M for two people who for eight years couldn't remember anything.
Paralympics... fascinating because just watching anyone with a major disability trying to do everyday chores is fun to watch.
I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living.
I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.
I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation.
I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
Hey baby, baby go home man its three o'clock in the morning what the fuck are you doing up. The baby said I'm sellin' weed nigger.
The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.
Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.
Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast.
All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.
And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts could really help. He's basically for people who want to vote for Bush but don't think Bush is Jewish enough.