Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080
I shouldn't say bad things about the illiterate, though..I should write it. That way they won't find out.
Now is the time to strike. The Leader is at great handicap, he has no head or body!
I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."
I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.
My dad was like a stage mother he always pushed me to do what I wanted.
I’d much rather have AIDS than a baby… They’re not that different, you guys… They’re both expensive. You have them for the rest of your life. They’re constant reminders of the mistakes you’ve made. And once you have them, you pretty much can only date other people who have them. What’s the difference?
There's more than one mosque in the world that used to be a church and before that was a temple. Because it's a lot easier to just change the sign on the top and say "under new management" than it is to change the whole building.
I'm going to go to Kennebunkport and see if they respond any quicker!
If you are wearing a bandana you better have something wise to say, because you are starting with a credibility deficit.
Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.
You might be a redneck if you have used a bar stool as a walker.
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.