Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080
The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.
I don't like horror movies because I'm squeamish. But I go because my ex's like to go. They like to pull for the antichrist.
My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people.
To understand one's self is to understand all of humanity, unless you're like my friend Mike, he's a fuckin' idiot.
I don't care if you laughed at that or not, the next time you hear that shit, you're gonna be like, "Haha. That Dane Cook is a silly bitch!"
Conservative talk radio hosts have conned the American people into thinking there is such a thing as a pro-life, pro-war, pro-gun, pro-death penalty Christian.
You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.
My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes.
Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.
My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!