Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080

I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.

I am often the one they call “You,” but I am no more “You” than you. I am me. And yet I am more “Me” than you are me or can ever be.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'

I'm really funny now.

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

When in doubt, I can stare blankly. The rubber face. There's only so many ways you can stare incredulously at the camera and tilt an eyebrow, but that's your old standby: What would Buster Keaton do?

Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We’re in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.

(While teaching his son to play baseball):<br /> "We're Mexi-cans not Mexi-can'ts."

I feel so fortunate to be one of the lucky ones who is so grateful and appreciative to know such great synonyms for thankful.

I probably owe you guys, like, five bucks.

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like "no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle".

I wrote a few children's books... Not on purpose.