Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080
You know, it's probably best for Limbaugh because he would have been a minority owner. And once he became a minority, he would have to become a liberal and then he would have hated himself.
There's more than one mosque in the world that used to be a church and before that was a temple. Because it's a lot easier to just change the sign on the top and say "under new management" than it is to change the whole building.
I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw, that's really romantic" "No, umm... I actually... never mind"
I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.
All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.
My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people.
And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts could really help. He's basically for people who want to vote for Bush but don't think Bush is Jewish enough.
A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. It doesn't only represent the good things. If you burn the flag, you're burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad things the country has done. It's only a symbol. It's only a piece of cloth.
Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.
"Where there is a will there is a way" is an old true saying. He who resolves upon doing a thing, by that very resolution often scales the barriers to it, and secures its achievement. To think we are able, is almost to be so - to determine upon attainment is frequently attainment itself.
The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse."