Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080
The thing I don't get about paedophilia... Why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy?
I believe people ought to mate for life... like pigeons or Catholics.
I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.
I love catching a snapshot of something that is just about to happen. Or maybe something that just happened, you know. But I like especially that just-before kind of feeling.
To a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.
People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight, because for the longest time, I have said that president Bush must set a timetable for removing his head from his ass... and, by god, last week they went in and looked for it. They didn't find it, so now we don't know where it is, but at least for once in my life, I get to see the words "Bush", "operation", and "successful" in the same sentence.
Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.