Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.
If you want to dry hump someone you don’t know, just act like they were choking.
Do you think Americans deserve healthcare? Have you looked at this horrible fat fuck country?
The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.
I never give anyone just one congratulation. Congratulations are always plural. They are similar to grapes.
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry You can understand why - with two positions on every issue, he has twice as many people mad at him.
I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living.
