Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single and lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
It felt wonderful doing it. But that's rather like urinating in brown velvet pants. It can feel wonderful, but no one will watch.
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
Conservative talk radio hosts have conned the American people into thinking there is such a thing as a pro-life, pro-war, pro-gun, pro-death penalty Christian.
Did you know that the spunge is the household-tool with the most bacteria? See, single guys know this. "Honey, I would like to wash the dishes, but it's just not hygienic."
[If this is the answer, what is the question: Up To 18 Months] How long is a Scottish winter?
Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.
Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can’t the rest of us make them go away?!
Light travels faster than sound. Isn't that why people appear bright before you hear them speak?