Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080

How can there not already be a rapper named 'O'pinion'?

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, everybody loves them. But I thought this was interesting on the box, 'Konsult Kardiologist.'

There is no "I" in "Team", unless you count the vertical part of the "T".

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.

I before e except after c and sounding like a in a neighboring way and on weekends and holidays and all throughout May YOU'LL ALWAYS BE WRONG NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!!!!

I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.

I don't know about condoms for everyone in porn. But there is a strong case for goggles.

In the year 3000, everything will be instant.

The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.

Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping.

Thank you... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.

People tell you to have a safe trip, as if you have some control over it.