Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1080

A mobile home with a flat tire is a home.

Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.

I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.

I’m whitie and I apologize.

Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal?

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

Mosquito bites Jesus, receives "communion".

Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.

I eat swiss cheese from the inside out.

He’s got a Jewish head which means he’s got a Jewish penis... that’s not great

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.

Yesterday I found out what doughnuts are for. You put them on doughbolts. They hold dough airplanes together. For kids, they make erector sets out of play-dough.

I was an altar boy as a kid. And the answer is no.

I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.