Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1081
Hey baby, baby go home man its three o'clock in the morning what the fuck are you doing up. The baby said I'm sellin' weed nigger.
The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.
Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
A bum told me, “I haven’t tasted food all week.” I told him, “Don’t worry, it still tastes the same.”
I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.
I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.
A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. It doesn't only represent the good things. If you burn the flag, you're burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad things the country has done. It's only a symbol. It's only a piece of cloth.
This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.
Conservative talk radio hosts have conned the American people into thinking there is such a thing as a pro-life, pro-war, pro-gun, pro-death penalty Christian.
I have a BB gun and a water gun in case things get hectic. I wouldnt put it past Kanye to run up on stage and interrupt me, but good luck with that.
Shouldn't the trophy for the Grammys be a sweet, old lady giving you a pie?
I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.