Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1081
Sometimes, in order to follow one’s heart, one must do the wrong thing. Now, I’m not absolving anyone of their actions; you have to be responsible for your actions, sick or well, you have to be, you just have to be. All of us are accountable.
You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you’re just alone.
He released Annie's Boobs. Annie's Boobs could be anywhere. Annie's Boobs could be on the streets
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
If history repeats itself I'm hopeful that I can get out of it with a note from my shrink.
I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is "Be a better lover". Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That’s why I’m a bad lover? Do you have a pill that’s gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.
I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.
I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
I understand dildos: not everybody has fifteen inches of dick to swing around to scare the children.