Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1081
I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.
This one guy, the worse guy in the music. The Yanni man. You know Yanni? First of all, anyone who looks like a magician and doesn't do magic, I don't like. I don't even like magic, I hate it. But I love the word, "Ta-da"! I love that word! I don't get to say it, right? I never do any magic. You just cant go around walking, "Ta-da!" "Ta-da!" "Ta-da!" The only time I can say it is when I do something really stupid or surprising. Like if I go out all night drinking and hitting strip clubs and I come home and I still got some money .... "Ta---da!" I thought I was broke. Why does my jaw hurt?
Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.
It's not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We're not afraid of failure.
The other guys are selling certainty. Not me. I'm on the corner with doubt.
The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
A bum told me, “I haven’t tasted food all week.” I told him, “Don’t worry, it still tastes the same.”
I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.
I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.
A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. It doesn't only represent the good things. If you burn the flag, you're burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad things the country has done. It's only a symbol. It's only a piece of cloth.
Conservative talk radio hosts have conned the American people into thinking there is such a thing as a pro-life, pro-war, pro-gun, pro-death penalty Christian.