Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1081

We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.

When in doubt, I can stare blankly. The rubber face. There's only so many ways you can stare incredulously at the camera and tilt an eyebrow, but that's your old standby: What would Buster Keaton do?

You might be a redneck if bikers back down from your momma.

There’s a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.

Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping.

I probably owe you guys, like, five bucks.

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.

You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

People tell you to have a safe trip, as if you have some control over it.

Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.

Hey baby, baby go home man its three o'clock in the morning what the fuck are you doing up. The baby said I'm sellin' weed nigger.

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

Talking is always positive. That's why I talk too much.

I tried to hang myself with bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts could really help. He's basically for people who want to vote for Bush but don't think Bush is Jewish enough.