Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1081
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
To a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.
I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.
You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.
I've had six or eight hookers in my life. I never woke up the next day thinking "man I'm glad I got a hooker last night."
Yeah, I'll take lettuce... tomato... and- I'm sorry, did you just put your balls in my sandwich?
You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
But the main thing I don't want to be is un-funny. That's really the mandate. Just whatever we're doing, make it as funny as we can possibly make it. And believe me, if the show starts going down, we'll introduce a baby. We'll do everything that they did on `Family Ties.' I'm not afraid of that.