Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1081
There's nothing wrong with the word conspiracy. It just means 'to breathe together'.
"Where there is a will there is a way" is an old true saying. He who resolves upon doing a thing, by that very resolution often scales the barriers to it, and secures its achievement. To think we are able, is almost to be so - to determine upon attainment is frequently attainment itself.
I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.
Given human nature, as far as I'm concerned, I think each of us should have a legal option before we are forced to be included in mankind.
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it’s not even going to be consistent with the same person. People can hold liberal and conservative dogma points at the same time. They’re not living their lives via platforms. They’re living their lives. The whole thing is an awfully tired construct.
You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you’re just alone.
My father said, "Bring along your best girl." This is something you say to a pimp!
You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...
I was on a phone call with the HSBC and they said when are you gonna pay off this overdraft? I said you know what outside southeast asia its rude to call people up and ask them for money!
I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
I've always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time.