Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1081
I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.
There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.
You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
If you want to dry hump someone you don’t know, just act like they were choking.
The day you realize you don't have to make sense to anyone is the day you start to make sense to you.
I shouldn't say bad things about the illiterate, though..I should write it. That way they won't find out.
The real focus at first is to just become a good stand-up comedian, and then when you get to a certain level, then they allow you to do other things. You feel if you're overwhelmed by something or if you're not.
President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.
When I get bored I go to a Seven-Eleven and ask for a two-by-four and a box of three-by-fives.
Appear tougher or cooler or funnier than you feel and there is a chance you’ll make it.