Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1081
She was so fat that when guys have sex with her they ask for directions.
I lost my virginity under a bridge. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at a World Cup – just pleased to be there.
You might be a redneck if there is more oil in your cap than in your car.
People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts could really help. He's basically for people who want to vote for Bush but don't think Bush is Jewish enough.
An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.
Conservative talk radio hosts have conned the American people into thinking there is such a thing as a pro-life, pro-war, pro-gun, pro-death penalty Christian.
Shouldn't the trophy for the Grammys be a sweet, old lady giving you a pie?
Suicide is the number one killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.