Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1081

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.

Yesterday I found out what doughnuts are for. You put them on doughbolts. They hold dough airplanes together. For kids, they make erector sets out of play-dough.

I was an altar boy as a kid. And the answer is no.

I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.

I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger.

I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.

You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

She was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.

Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...

I want to start saying bad words all the time!

You might be a redneck if there is more oil in your cap than in your car.

We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.

And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts could really help. He's basically for people who want to vote for Bush but don't think Bush is Jewish enough.