Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1081
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars. And who knows how many knives!
I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.
It's a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which means she'll probably quit after a year.
Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping.
At the all-you-can-eat barbecue, you have to pay the regular dinner price if you eat less than you can.
Thank you... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.
Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.
I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.
We need a return to the basics in this country when you stop to think that only one of the three “R’s” actually starts with the letter “r.”
I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
It's not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We're not afraid of failure.