Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1081

I think part of me always knew. Wanna know which part? My penis.

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, everybody loves them. But I thought this was interesting on the box, 'Konsult Kardiologist.'

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

We all know smoking is bad. I know I'm going to quit someday, if I thought I wasn't I'd quit now.

If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee ballot.

I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.

Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?

I don't know about condoms for everyone in porn. But there is a strong case for goggles.

You might be a redneck if bikers back down from your momma.

At the all-you-can-eat barbecue, you have to pay the regular dinner price if you eat less than you can.

This weekend I pulled a muscle in my cheeks trying to smile.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

People tell you to have a safe trip, as if you have some control over it.

It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.