Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1081
I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
Hey baby, baby go home man its three o'clock in the morning what the fuck are you doing up. The baby said I'm sellin' weed nigger.
The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.
A yacht is a good of example of how an object can be an arrogant prick.
I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.
A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. It doesn't only represent the good things. If you burn the flag, you're burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad things the country has done. It's only a symbol. It's only a piece of cloth.
This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.
You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.
Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.