Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
MTV needs to go back to showing hot teens... before they were pregnant.
To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
Bush didn't really win on his popularity last time. He won on scaring people that Kerry might do something stupid like, I don't know, sell the ports to the Arabs.
Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up - that stuff is very similar.
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.
There's nothing wrong with the word conspiracy. It just means 'to breathe together'.
"Where there is a will there is a way" is an old true saying. He who resolves upon doing a thing, by that very resolution often scales the barriers to it, and secures its achievement. To think we are able, is almost to be so - to determine upon attainment is frequently attainment itself.