Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.
I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
I am really tired of looking at my hips. I’m seriously really tired of standing naked in the mirror and staring at my hips for hours and hours while muttering, "You hips. You hips need to get it together."
There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.
The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.
Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you’re a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.
Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free.
If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.
A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either.