Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
I tell you, I'm not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'
Bush didn't really win on his popularity last time. He won on scaring people that Kerry might do something stupid like, I don't know, sell the ports to the Arabs.
People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.
