Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
If history repeats itself I'm hopeful that I can get out of it with a note from my shrink.
I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
When I first came out, I thought, I want to walk like a real woman, I don't want to do mincing steps. And there was some girl I saw walking up Holloway Road in Islington who had this long languid walk and I thought, that's what I like, so I incorporated her walk into mine.
Passover is a ritual dinner where we talk about the story of the exodus of the Jews out of Egypt. And we have a service and a meal. Then there’s the sacrifice of a live Christian baby and dessert. My family doesn’t do that, but orthodox…
I understand dildos: not everybody has fifteen inches of dick to swing around to scare the children.
People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
So you stick something up your ass, and you hope it might work, and it usually helps.