Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.
An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.
I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
Given human nature, as far as I'm concerned, I think each of us should have a legal option before we are forced to be included in mankind.
These are great days for exaggeration. In fact, I’ll go further than that and say these are the greatest days for exaggeration in the history of the planet Earth.
I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
I'm afraid one thing - I don't like heights. Heights bug me out. I'm not cool with heights. I refuse to do a comedy show 12 stories up. I'm fearless about everything else.
You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you’re just alone.
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
Nazi Germany was so destructive to Judaism not only for the loss of life, but because many who survived began to see the practice of Judaism as somewhat of a health hazard.
I am sick of deconstructing their propaganda, because it's pretty much the same as it's always been. It's just repeating something over and over again until we believe it and we hope that you believe it.
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.