Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.
I understand dildos: not everybody has fifteen inches of dick to swing around to scare the children.
Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.
The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.
Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal?
Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free.
A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either.
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.
If you want to dry hump someone you don’t know, just act like they were choking.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.