Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
Attempt to get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger.
I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
She was so fat that when guys have sex with her they ask for directions.
She was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.
You know, it's probably best for Limbaugh because he would have been a minority owner. And once he became a minority, he would have to become a liberal and then he would have hated himself.
I lost my virginity under a bridge. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at a World Cup – just pleased to be there.
You might be a redneck if there is more oil in your cap than in your car.