Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.
I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.
"Where there is a will there is a way" is an old true saying. He who resolves upon doing a thing, by that very resolution often scales the barriers to it, and secures its achievement. To think we are able, is almost to be so - to determine upon attainment is frequently attainment itself.
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it’s not even going to be consistent with the same person. People can hold liberal and conservative dogma points at the same time. They’re not living their lives via platforms. They’re living their lives. The whole thing is an awfully tired construct.
This one guy said, "Look at that girl. She's got a nice butt." I said, "Yeah, I bet she can sit down excellently!"
I was on a phone call with the HSBC and they said when are you gonna pay off this overdraft? I said you know what outside southeast asia its rude to call people up and ask them for money!
When I first came out, I thought, I want to walk like a real woman, I don't want to do mincing steps. And there was some girl I saw walking up Holloway Road in Islington who had this long languid walk and I thought, that's what I like, so I incorporated her walk into mine.
I love catching a snapshot of something that is just about to happen. Or maybe something that just happened, you know. But I like especially that just-before kind of feeling.
To a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.
You might be a redneck if your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
I was in a store and I saw a pocket dictionary and that made me laugh because it's such a specific item. I don't know that many words, and I'm going out... and I have pants. Perfect!