Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I’m dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over...
Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence so why bother shaving?
Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.
I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They’re like: You look completely appropriate. You don’t look stupid or lonely at all.
The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.
Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you’re a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.
I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.
