Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
There is no "I" in "Team", unless you count the vertical part of the "T".
True love is when you’re cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile!
If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.
It's the greatest when your girlfriend says to you, "dude... you need to go and get laid."
When in doubt, I can stare blankly. The rubber face. There's only so many ways you can stare incredulously at the camera and tilt an eyebrow, but that's your old standby: What would Buster Keaton do?
I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
You might be a redneck if... Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.