Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
The Environmental Protection Agency is conducting a seven-hundred-thousand-dollar study to see if Alaskan trees are polluting Oregon forests. You can tell Republicans are in power. "Pollution? It's those damn trees."
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.
You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.
When years from now people look back on today, they will think the same thing they already do but with more reasons for it.
The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.
In spite of the poor economy, almost 70 percent of Americans occasionally splurge on luxury items - like a blanket on a plane, or a peanut.
Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.
When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.
I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.
A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either.
If you want to dry hump someone you don’t know, just act like they were choking.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.