Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1084
Nobody sees people as people. It's all how they relate to my little group.
I look hot and, most of all, skinny. I love the day after throwing up. I felt like a feather.
I don't know, people take chances on stage. It's a big free speech zone, a comedy show. So sometimes things happen, you say things that are a little bit off the edge.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that’s stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
It's nice to live in a country that has its priorities straight: the library's open three hours a week, and the House of Fist is 24/7.
Feeling in love and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear.
I thought for like five years that when you have sex, you come and one of your balls comes out. That's what I thought happened, that you have to come a ball out of that little whole at the tip of your dick. I was terrified! That's what I thought, you just... Bahh! And you push a ball out and she's screaming and there's blood everywhere...and you can only do it twice and then you're out of balls. That's what I thought. You come and have two babies, and then you just walk around with an empty sack for the rest of your life. Which turned out to be true...
Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?
I've lived in LA for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't any more.
When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.