Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1084
The Security and Exchanges Commission is going to be investigating Vice President Dick Cheney. They'll begin that investigation as soon as Congress finishes investigating the Security and Exchanges Commission.
Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck.
To a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.
On sex later on in a relationship: "I have this! Are you interested?"
I before e except after c and sounding like a in a neighboring way and on weekends and holidays and all throughout May YOU'LL ALWAYS BE WRONG NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!!!!
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.
People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.
It's a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which means she'll probably quit after a year.
Every day, the hummingbird eats its own weight in food. You may wonder how it weighs the food. It doesn't. It just eats another hummingbird.
You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
A blonde, German woman with spiky hair...walked up to the plane and said 'There are busses outside that you will be loaded on to. You will be told what will happen to you when you reach your destination.' And all I could think in my head, was, 'I am not getting on those fucking buses. No, no, I have seen too many Oscar-winning movies. I know how this story ends. I know what you do to people who look like me. If I'm getting on any bus, it's with the blond family over there.'