Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1083
We had 1 book, the phone book, I’ve read it, it wasn’t a great read, lots of characters, and on the end loads of polish people turn up.
Will Ferrell (George W. Bush): ... it seems that liberals and godless tax raisers are trying to make me look bad, by using such things as facts ... and scientific data ...
I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? "Get out there and play like horny old ladies!"
I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
I thought the purpose of education was to learn to think for yourself.
I shouldn't say bad things about the illiterate, though..I should write it. That way they won't find out.
President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.
She was so fat that when she got on the scale a card came out saying one at a time.
Never drink alone, that's what they say. But you know what? If you drink you will never be alone, alright? People will find you, and that's when all the bad stuff happens, right? Just sittin around, doin nuthin, right? You know what happened one time? Drunk, nothin to do. I end up doing what? My penis in my fishtank, alright? No, i did it just to show them who's boss, alright? They were gettin a little uppity. Even the diver guy stopped bubblin, he's like 'bleh??' Then, they hid in the castle. And like all good times, it always ends when your grandma walks in, doesn't it? 'Get that dick outta the fishtank!! Time for supper!'
It's not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We're not afraid of failure.