Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1118
Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
How are you gonna make an ‘idol’ from the type of person you’re trying to avoid in real life?
President James Garfield could write in Latin with one hand while writing in Greek with the other. I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?
I purposefully studied ventriloquism so I can throw my orgasm - which was sort of a sad moment in my life.
My wife had a go at me last night. She said, "You'll drive me to my grave." I had the car out in thirty seconds.
[about her half-black boyfriend] I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.
If the Fed ceases hiking, against the backdrop of still rising commodity prices, then the Australian dollar will have few reasons for resisting any topside advances.
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.