Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1118
Oh, I'm not allowed to do anything. Well fuck off then. If your not going to do anything then what's the use, just piss off. Stop asking us to mumble things on Sundays.
You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.
The TV season is a year-long thing now, and the networks are starting to look at it that way, thanks to cable, satellites, and competition.
I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.
Don't you get it? Someone has to save all the other cable boys and girls, someone has to kill the babysitter.
At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.
You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
I have been accused of sleeping with people, I hadn’t met yet.
Because it’s much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.
Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to "git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."
Do you know what writing a book is? It's sitting alone in a room for weeks without making contact with another human. I felt like Howard Hughes.
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.